Living Inside The Impossible

I'm not sure if anyone even reads this...
...but I'm so happy just to have a outlet. It's been a full 4 months. I've kept busy with lots of morning sickness, chasing a toddler, leading worship and having more morning sickness. As my nausea died down my appetite for God's Word surged again. I have spent the last 4 months trying to simply survive, and now I am so happy to be eating steak dinners again! (I mean that metaphorically of course. Don't worry, I won't be having a 20lb baby.)

As some of you may know God has called Jon and I to move to sweet southern South Carolina again, and this time for good, or for a long while anyway. We will be starting a Bible study in our home and will wait and watch to see how God will grow it. As of right now, we are still serving faithfully in the place that God has us. But not long after this little one is born, (due early June) we will be making the trek back out to the south. Needless to say there are a million unknowns in our life right now; Where will we live? How will we save enough money to move? How will we be able to survive on one income? The list goes on..

I was so encouraged to come across my brother Aubrey's teaching tonight. He taught on Jonah chapter 13. It's kind of a random chapter. It is in the middle of a long story, but holds some golden nuggets about God's faithfulness:

So God promised Moses all the way back in Genesis 12 that He was going to free the  slaves of Egypt, give them their own land and through it provide a savior for all mankind. So we come to Joshua 13.

Joshua is taking over Moses' position as leader of the freed slaves and God comes to him to remind him of this promise. God tells Joshua he is not getting any younger, so God himself would drive out the remaining people in the land so that the freed slaves could inhabit it. This is a chapter and a story that is so often overlooked! Here God is the one to make SURE His promise comes to pass. And not only that, but HE Himself drove out the people so they could inhabit the land.

Why is it that we forget our God is the same God? He is a God who goes to great lengths to keep His promises. This encourages me in so many ways. If God has called us to do a seemingly impossible task like move to a strange new city with no money, no job and trust Him to do a work, then HE WILL DO IT! I am also encouraged because I know if God keeps all His promises, then we have the return of Jesus to look forward to! I hope to be found busy making His ways known when he shows up on that unexpected day.

If God is calling you to act in faith, do it! He is going to make the impossible possible! All for the glory of His own name!

"For it  is God who works in you both to will and to do for His good pleasure." - Phillipians 2:13

A heart like Jaiden's

I was cooking scrambled eggs just like I do every morning. Jaiden was wandering around the kitchen waiting patiently for them, just like she does every morning. I decided to grab some books for her to help pass the time, and as I handed them to her, she lost it! For some reason, she thought that by me handing her the books I had decided to NOT feed her, but make her read instead. "Jaiden, I'm your mommy, I love you, I know you're hungry and I am going to feed you!" As I was speaking these words out loud, the Lord placed a giant mirror in front of my heart. I realized as I was talking that the Lord was saying the same thing to me.

You see, this has been a very difficult past few months for me. Jon and I have been praying and seeking the Lord very diligently regarding when and where He would like us to start a church. We know He has asked us to do this for a long time now, we just don't know the time or place. But as we have been seeking Him, I felt waves of doubt creeping up in my mind; "Lord, how will we be able to afford a place to live? How will we be able to feed and clothe our family on minimum wage jobs? I want to be home with my children, but what if we can't afford for me to be a stay at home mom?"

There I was, just like Jaiden, coming to conclusions in my heart and not trusting in my father. Jaiden knows that I love her, so it seemed so natural to me that she should trust me to feed her. It killed me when I realized my lack of faith in God makes Him feel the same way. He has proven His love to me again and again, one way after another, and yet, like a child, I throw myself on the ground and think that He will not provide.

As I have told people many times before, God has already spoken to us all that we need to know, we just have to open His word to read it. (It's funny how I quickly I forget things...) So because of my business, and lack of reading my Bible I had come to some conclusions in my heart that were not right. Sure enough, the moment i cracked open His word, answers came pouring into my heart...."For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things shall be added to you."

I know that I love my daughter more than anything in this world, and I know the Father, loves me even more. He put it so well: "If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him!"


And so, like a young child again, I am learning to trust my father.

START WITH ME......for Christians only.

Ok guys. So we're saved. Awesome. We do everything right. We read the Bible, even pray, do our serving in our ministries. Why the heck are we so burnt out? Why are we so powerless? Why do we still feel like we're missing out on something? We are.

So many things were going through my mind this morning as I lead worship for yet another Easter service. I closed my eyes while singing the all too familiar song, "For All You've Done." I smelled the strong perfume of the lilies just like I did Easters past. I heard the exhortation, "may the Lord bless, you and keep, you, may His face shine upon you..."like I have so many times before. As I looked up, I saw a sea of eyes staring blankly back at us. You could have heard a pin drop in the coldness. I couldn't help but want to scream to break the silence. All I could think was, "What are we missing!? What am I missing?"

If you are anything like me, you're a generally good person. But where exactly does that get us with God? NO where.

Let me start by saying, I am not writing this note to convict you. I am writing it for me. Because I am sick of living a powerless life. If I am saved by the Being that created the galaxy, why am so weak? If I am going to a perfect place when I die, why don't I live like I am?

I obviously don't have all the answers but what I am going to suggest is that we throw it all out. Throw out the same old prayers, the same old songs, the same old routine and get real. I'm not being cliche. Get real! with YOUR God. 

What is going on in your life right now? Are you depressed? Are you lonely? Are you wondering why your love for alcohol still consumes you? Are you fantasizing about what your life would be like if you had done things a little differently? Maybe married that other man? Are you secretly doubting God and His existence and His power? TELL HIM! It's not like He doesn't know.

He created you. He created your passion for life. He designed that need in you to break free from the mold. He placed that love for music in you, that gift for creativity. He gave you that "eye" for beautiful things. He purposed your curiosity in You, so that you could seek and find it all in Him.

So why are we trying so hard to do it all right, instead of going to the source of power to make us right? Let's give up! Let's throw it all down at His feet. Let's stop robbing God of what He did for us on the cross by pretending our only struggle is gossip. Let's get in His word before we spend time on our nails. Let's pour out our doubts and fears to Him before we start the coffee to drown it out.

We have an unlimited source of power at our fingertips and yet we are too lazy to stretch out our hand. It's that simple. Stop trying to do the right thing all the time. Instead, chase him like you chase the things that let you down, and you will find that without even trying, you are exactly who He created you to be. Full of passion and life. Full of grace and love for the unlovable. Full of joy and purpose.

Then maybe we can share our faith with people so naturally, instead of trying to coldly give the Romans road out of fear that we're not a "real Christian" if we don't. Let us allow His power and love to flow so strongly from our lives that our friends and family beg to know the secret to our joy!

Get real with Your God. And then enjoy the life he intended for You. I think David did...

"You will show me the path of life;

In Your presence is the fullness of joy;

At Your right hand are pleasures forevermore."

-Psalm 16:11

Start with me God. Start with me....

Why are christians so pushy?

Do you ever wonder why Christians are so obsessed with saying "He is risen?" Why are they so pushy about Jesus dying on the cross? Why can't they just allow everyone to live and let live? Let me help you understand what it is we are so passionate about.

Looking around you can see our earth is falling apart. Not only is the physical globe deteriorating and dying but so is our nation and governments. You can't deny the increase in natural disasters, disease, and war. These very things were all predicted in Gods word.

Maybe you wonder why God created such things. He didn't. He made a perfect earth and created us to be perfect so we could dwell with Him. But what is love if it is forced? So he gave us choices to live the way we want, but He also gave us instruction on how to live a life that would please Him and ultimately us too.

That is what the Bible is. Stories of Men and women of faith from before Jesus came to earth. Prophecy about when He would come. Then he came and fulfilled every prophecy to the day. It is even proven in our history books. Then he taught us how to live an abundant rich life that would lead to eternal life in perfection the way He intended it. Then He died to cover our imperfection by his unstained life. But what power lies in death alone? So...he proved His deity by rising again.

So what does this have to do with you? You were created for a bigger purpose than you imagine. That ever longing ache you have for something more is for Him. He created you to have a relationship with Him. You will run after things your whole life, but will only ever find temporary pleasure apart from Him.

Look around at the intricacy of life. The fact that you were made so perfectly, that you can breathe without thinking it, that our universe stands perfectly in it's place so as not to be burnt by the sun or frozen by the lack of it. How can it all be chance?

There is power in Christ and His word my friend. If you doubt, give Him one chance. Just one. He will prove Himself as a reality for anyone who doubts. What do you have to lose? You have given everything else a try.

All you have to do is recognize your need to be saved from your imperfection, and then ask Him to do it. Then dive into His word. It is literally alive.

That is why his resurrection means everything to us, to me. We are pushy because we have found the answer and want you to find it too. Give him one chance. It's all I ask

spiritual coffee has an equally sobering effect

I admit, sometimes I sit down to blog and so many jumbled thoughts pour out of me that seem so random. But somehow, by God's Word, I am able to tie them all together  and see a reoccurring pattern in it all...

I visited my family in Charleston, which was amazing. I saw how much the church body has grown in number and in faith. Of course this made me proud. I am proud of God, and what He has done with a few families and a little faith.  I spent quality time with people I care about, my heart was so full. I had a lot of time to reflect on my life here in CO. There are a lot of changes on the horizon: changes in friendships/relationships, change in ministry, change in my home, change in my heart. It was all very sobering.

The hard part is being away from my husband for over 2 weeks with close to no contact.  It was hard to hear about the devastation in Japan and the terror in Libya, and not to have my strong other-half wrap protective arms around me. It's a very vulnerable place to be. Again, sobering.

This morning I was prepared for the day, or so I thought, with my large cup of coffee. The first phone call proved me wrong. After a string of various text messages, e-mails, phone calls and conversations, I was numb. 2 friends with a brain masses, a baby with a tumor, a friend in emergency surgery... I needed a lot more than coffee this morning. So I turned to my spiritual coffee, which has an equally sobering effect....

Matthew 24

Now as He sat on the Mount of Olives, the disciples came to Him privately, saying, "tell us, when will these things be? And what will be the sign of Your coming, and of the end of the age?

And Jesus answered and said to them: Take heed that no once deceives you. For many will come in My name, saying, 'I am the Christ,' and will deceive many. And you will hear of wars, and rumors of wars. See that you are not troubled; for all these things must come to pass, but the end is not yet.  

For nation will rise against nation and kingdom against kingdom. And there will be famines, pestilences, and earthquakes in various places. All these are the beginning of sorrows....and because lawlessness will abound, the love of many will grow cold. But he who endures to the end shall be saved. 

You're probably thinking, "That's not comforting." 

I didn't say it was, it was sobering. Jesus says later in the chapter: 

"Therefore you also be ready, for the Son of Man is coming at an hour you do not expect."
Am I ready? Honestly, no.

I spend most of my time entertaining myself. Whether it be with forever 21, facebook, twitter, netflix, starbucks, pilates, ulta, q'doba. It's all so frivolous! It has no substance. No wonder we are hollow. Where's the eternal substance and quality that my life should consist of? 

I've made a few commitments these past few days, to myself and my maker. As a result, I hope I can have a more abundant, fulfilling life with more eternal quality:


1. I am committed to spend time with my maker and author of my life, in His word and in prayer.
2. I am committed to be vocal about my relationship to Him whenever a natural opportunity arises. (Which is a lot more often than one would think.) 
3. I am committed to start reading more books that will challenge me intellectually and in my faith in replacement of the entertainment that often consumes me. 


In closing, I want to say, please understand where I am coming from. I am not condoning anyone for enjoying life. But in light of the disintegration of our world, and our friends and loved ones who are hurting, let's examine ourselves and what really matters.

"Watch therefore, for you do not know what hour your Lord is coming."

open up our eyes

Many of us who were raised in a Christian home remember the iconic christian worship song of the 90's, I Want to Know You More. To this day, I find myself humming it any time I hear a similar phrase. Today just happened to be one of those days. But as I pondered the words to the tune I was humming, I wondered just how many of us really get to know Him more. Jesus makes it pretty simple for us to approach Him. He even tells us from His own mouth, how to have the revelation of Christ:

John 14:21 "He who has my commandments and keeps them, it is he who loves me. And he who loves me will be loved by my father, and I will love him and manifest myself to him." Websters dictionary defines manifest as..."readily perceived by the senses." So if it's really that simple to know God, what steps are we missing? Why are so many of us still not perceiving Him with our senses? Looking back at our friend Jesus' words' we observe... "he who has my commandments, and keeps them..." There it is. The key to knowing Him....keeping his commandments. 


Now hopefully if you have been a christian for more than a few days, you should understand that this does not entail keeping the 10 commandments hung on your wall as a daily checklist, (although it's not an entirely bad idea,) but it's an issue of the heart. We are to be living our lives as a constant act of obedience to Christ.
PAUSE: Notice though that this verse does not mention perfection. We all know that if we could actually achieve perfection, we would not need a savior and the entire gospel message would be void. So praise God that is not the requirement. RESUME: But as a similar encouragement from Paul we read, : "Therefore I urge you brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice...." (Romans 12:1)


So this is what it comes down to for us. How can we be obedient to God in our lives so that we can actually know him more? To be honest, obedience for me usually looks like this: My daughter poops all up her back, and now has it in her hair and armpits. I can choose to curse and be angry towards her, or I can pause and ask the Lord to give me grace to handle the situation. Next scenario, my husband comes home and informs me that we are having dinner guests within the hour as he takes in the scenery of an atomic bomb of toys in our living room and the unkempt, unshowered wife he fell in love with 10 years ago. I can either freak out and tell him he is crazy, or lovingly ask for his help and explain what needs to happen...


These might seem like trite, silly examples of obedience, but it is my reality. All  I want to say to you my friend is that we each have our own challenges in obedience. The pictures will look different, but each moment of obedience is monumental and vital to our knowing God. Open up your ears to the moments that God is whispering his plea to take your part in knowing Him more. Allow yourself to see your smallest choice of righteousness to be the biggest step to knowing your Lord. Join me in the song of worship that is played out through our life moment by moment, choice by choice, step by step. 

"Open up our eyes, open up our hearts to see. 
Show us who You are. 
Show us what we're supposed to be."

uninvited

I find it humorous to see all my friends posting their hatred for the new season. But it also reminded me of how much I do hate change. I wrote this song three years ago when I found out were were moving away from everything and everyone that we loved. It's a bit cheesy and a dab sentimental, ok more like a dallop of sentiment...anway, here it is. For what it's worth, it's the one song I've ever written that I actually like. Maybe mostly because it means so much to me. So here you are. enjoy.

uninvited

and so this cold wind is blowing
bringing it's season
so uninvited
so i am left waiting

how I am missing you summer
even the shadows that you cast
living inside your safe cover
but nothing ever lasts

although i know summer has fallen
i wont look back
or run from your smile
though blankets of white will cover you for awhile
this is only a season

so wait for me summer
this wont last forever
ill be looking to the sky
'til winter is lost

'cause seasons have come
and seasons will go
taking us into the shadow
and though the familiar is still growing stranger
it's keeping me alive

although i know summer has fallen
i wont look back
or run from your smile
though blankets of white will cover you for awhile
this is only a season