A heart like Jaiden's

I was cooking scrambled eggs just like I do every morning. Jaiden was wandering around the kitchen waiting patiently for them, just like she does every morning. I decided to grab some books for her to help pass the time, and as I handed them to her, she lost it! For some reason, she thought that by me handing her the books I had decided to NOT feed her, but make her read instead. "Jaiden, I'm your mommy, I love you, I know you're hungry and I am going to feed you!" As I was speaking these words out loud, the Lord placed a giant mirror in front of my heart. I realized as I was talking that the Lord was saying the same thing to me.

You see, this has been a very difficult past few months for me. Jon and I have been praying and seeking the Lord very diligently regarding when and where He would like us to start a church. We know He has asked us to do this for a long time now, we just don't know the time or place. But as we have been seeking Him, I felt waves of doubt creeping up in my mind; "Lord, how will we be able to afford a place to live? How will we be able to feed and clothe our family on minimum wage jobs? I want to be home with my children, but what if we can't afford for me to be a stay at home mom?"

There I was, just like Jaiden, coming to conclusions in my heart and not trusting in my father. Jaiden knows that I love her, so it seemed so natural to me that she should trust me to feed her. It killed me when I realized my lack of faith in God makes Him feel the same way. He has proven His love to me again and again, one way after another, and yet, like a child, I throw myself on the ground and think that He will not provide.

As I have told people many times before, God has already spoken to us all that we need to know, we just have to open His word to read it. (It's funny how I quickly I forget things...) So because of my business, and lack of reading my Bible I had come to some conclusions in my heart that were not right. Sure enough, the moment i cracked open His word, answers came pouring into my heart...."For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things shall be added to you."

I know that I love my daughter more than anything in this world, and I know the Father, loves me even more. He put it so well: "If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him!"


And so, like a young child again, I am learning to trust my father.